Not sure what to call it.

It’s been an emotional roller coaster for me, and in the interest of posterity, I’m going to disclose most details. 

Long story short, took a friend of a friend out on a date. Was a good time, and I actually think I did well. Was my first time, it’s really not something I go out there and try to do. 

However the last few weeks have been rough. I fell victim to my emotions and burned myself.  And it sucks. It serves as a reminder to myself why I typically do not get involved in these things…

I have no problem being single. But wwhhhyy drag it out?

For what it’s worth, I believed every word you said.

It is time we got an update on my life. Because that’s why we are all reading this…..right?

So I am almost done with semester 2 at UB. My classes are all going great except one, but I guess there’s always going to be a dud when you have six classes. My midterms went well, mostly A’s. Yeah.

I have a date at the Cheesecake Factory with a friend of a close friend this Thursday night. Hopefully it goes well.

This girl seems like a real winner. We will see how everything goes.

Better than some I have been trying to hang out with in the last few months….I’d been going for all the wrong things, in all the wrong places…

Wish me luck.

We are the radio unto the world that’s lost control.

Farther and more distant between posts. This is good; I have less time to stew and muse about things.

First, I am trying twitter. It’s an interesting social experiment, and it’s cool to see who actually does it. Famous people, and not that I care what they think so much, but some of these people have some pretty entertaining and/or relevant things to say. www.twitter.com/brett_pod

School is going well…I’m doing decent, except for one class. But I will take care of that. Papers started, and getting ready to get rolling on those. The hardest part is starting for me, and once I do, I can finish a five page paper in a matter of two or three hours, and have it be quality. Just need to light the fire to do it.

Roller hockey starts in a month, and I haven’t taken any puck shots since December; floor hockey is played with a ball. Shooting and cradling a puck are different than a ball as a goalie. I’m excited; last year was trial by fire and I had no experience. One year later I’m leaps and bounds from where I was. I was hoping to be on two teams, but it looks like it’ll be just one. We’ll see.

Rocking a bunch of new music lately. I read what Henrik Lundqvist likes to do pre and post-game, and most of it is fairly similar. So no new ideas. Although, I did see that he listens to different music styles depending on the time. His ‘pregame’ mix is a lot of melodic yet edgy and hard rock, and his postgame  mix is more ambient and relaxing music.  I’ve always kept a pregame mix, but never tried a postgame mix. It makes sense, and it would calm me and make me less edgy after games.

I am indecisive lately. Brennan showed me a good piece of writing about the indecisiveness I am dealing with. Here’s an excerpt:

And indeed there will be time
For the yellow smoke that slides along the street,
There will be time, there will be time To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet; There will be time to murder and create, And time for all the works and days of hands That lift and drop a question on your plate; Time for you and time for me, And time yet for a hundred indecisions, And for a hundred visions and revisions, Before the taking of a toast and tea.

You know you’ll have to own up for yourself this time.

Long time. My thoughts are going to be kinda sporadic.

School is going well, and I have been busy. Real busy. Between classes, hockey,  studying, homework, work, friends, being at home, and driving, I have had no time to update things.

I just bought a 32″ Vizio HDTV. So that’s cool…should be here Friday.

Hockey has been going well Thursday nights…I’ve had a few duds, but mostly good games. Roller starts in April and I am pretty psyched. Last year, I had a huge learning curve personally, and our team did too. My equipment was a bit subpar too at the start. That’s not a problem anymore. I am ready to win some games.

Got my tax return. Pretty niiiice.

Heading to Geneseo this Saturday to see Sz-man, maybe with some other people Either way, should be a solid time. It’ll be good to hang out.

I have decisions to make.

This pen becomes my sword, and this paper is my shield.

Long overdue for an update. This is to be expected given my increased course load.

First things first. College, spring semester, junior year. I’m just coasting by. I’m not doing “A” work, I’m doing “B+” or “A-” work, and it’s all beginning to make sense. This is my first semester where I have used organizational skills, done stuff ahead of time…things that most students typically have to do in order to succeed. Achievement comes to me naturally, but the final 5 percent of what I am trying to achieve will involved ten times my previous effort. In my opinion, I am doing so.

On the college note, my best friend Brennan is in the process of transferring from Brockport to UB. What a labor of love! Hah, but in all reality, it’s going to be great. We’ll both be seniors, and I can’t think of anyone else I’d room with in college. We never argue, we are on the same wavelength, we enjoy the same things, and on and on.

I am feeling the ill-effects of not taking my medication. On a goof, I decided to see if I had overcome my previous mental issues, and was curious to find out whether there truly was a medical reason or just me being weak. Let’s just say I’ll be on said medication for a while.

I can’t wait to take the LSAT in June. This whole going-to-law-school thing is hanging over me…not in a bad way, but it’s so ambigious right now. I have no idea where I want to go, where I can go, and which schools will even let me in. Once I get my score back and have an idea where I can get in, I will feel muuuucch better.

I feel an empassioned weight upon me…

I knew when I was young that I wasn’t like most people. God blessed me with inate talents; gifts that I know that I can use to change things…

I’ve spent the last 15 years of my life in school, and have at least several more ahead of me (including law school). It’s been a long road, clearly, yet I am nearing the end of the road. Soon I am going to have to put my money where my mouth is, so to speak…

I want to leave a legacy…an aura of goodwill. I am on my way.

This Mission : Impossible is suddenly becoming possible.

Happy new year, first and foremost.

This is going to be short.

Actually, I don’t even want to write about it. I am not one for the party scene. Beer is not my friend. I’ll indulge, but I will never get trashed. It’s just not me.

And meeting people? Don’t get me started. I am incapable of making friends. Tonight left me excited, depressed, anxious and…content, all at once. Indescribable. I had a chance at making one friend in particular and I balked. Not because of her, but me. I just can’t do it. Although being at the party is probably a step in the ‘right’ direction for me, anyways.

Ugh. I sometimes wish that I could trade in my grades and brain for a social life. It’s not worth it, duh. But still.

She was cute.

Three parts lonely, a little bit homesick, and the rest, tired.

It’s just before 11 PM, Friday night, and I am typing this from a “cozy” (as cozy as cold metal can be) corner of Terminal 1 of the Raleigh-Durham International Airport. This definitely isn’t where I thought I would be on a Friday night a few weeks ago, but then again, isn’t that how I like to live my life?…with spontaneity and randomness? So in that regard, It was pretty fun. The only part that won’t be fun will be staying up all night until 4 AM to check my baggage, then flying into Buffalo AT 930 AM and having to go to work at noon. That’s going to take some strength to make it through the day.

I had a good time down here. It was a nice way to cap the semester, and change things up a bit! Many times I feel that a change in scenery, especially unplanned, can be like hitting the reset button in our lives. Out of a comfort zone, and able to explore new areas and learn new things.

Interestingly enough, I have been feeling good while on this trip, and I was worried about that. Mostly because I left my Zoloft prescription at home. Which is so like me. So (although it was highly unlikely) I was hoping I didn’t have any problems and I didn’t.

Christmas time is almost upon us. I have bought some gifts for those closest to me. More family than friends…the last few years, it was vice versa, so I don’t wanna hear it! Times are tough, and my family has been good to me. So gifts they shall receive.

I finally have my paragliding rig complete. I have both a harness and a big wing. I’m gonna try it out in a few days, see if I can get ‘er up in the air. Hopefully that goes well. That’s something I’d like to get good at, but it takes practice. Lots of it.

I got a haircut! For those who haven’t see it…it’s a mohawk…actually, more like a rayhawk. Short sides and longer through the middle. It’s a versatile hairstyle, and I’m glad I did something…different. It lends itself to a more open and fun personality.

I hope that my buds Lando, Kyle, Andrew and the rest have a party over Winter Break. I need to hang out with some people, and there is someone who I’d like to meet that will probably be there. Kinda odd, kinda cryptic, but I’m curious. I’d like to meet her.

My ass is incredibly sore, but I suppose that’s what I get for resting on a metal vent. This sucks.

I bought some cool t shirts. Which reminds me, I have spent SOOO much money in the last month. And it needs to stop.

I can’t wait for the Spring semester to start…so many great things will be happening…
-New classes, new beginning. I’ll have a chance to pick my grades up.
-Instead of the weather during the semester starting warm and ending cold, it’ll start cold and end warm. This will be good for the senses.
-Meet more people.
-Join more clubs.
-Volunteer!
-Practice for my LSAT in June.
-Writing for The Spectrum, the UB student newspaper! And honing my writing style in the process.
-Traveling to NY and Toronto (subject to occur during the summertime).
-So much more stuff that I don’t remember or don’t realize yet.

I wish this feeling would never go away. This must be what it’s like to…yeah. It is.

What part of shorn’t don’t you understand?

Hell-o. Some time has passed since last I wrote.

First off, school. I basically have my Spring schedule set. Similar in dates and times, with more focus on PoliSci and Law classes. And one math class sprinkled in for good measure. I am also debating about trying to get into the campus newspaper. Getting used to lots of writing, editing and deadlines could only do wonders for my skill set in the years to come.
I have a big presentation today. I feel good. It’s pretty easy stuff, and basically as long as I show up, I should have an A.

Hockey next. My team is unbelievably 1-2. We really should be 2-1, but what can you do…We lost our first game, dominated our second, and I think we sorta looked past the third team. Lost by one goal, 9-8. I felt like I played a pretty good game, my glove hand is getting better every week and that is encouraging. Although on one glove save I made above my head, it almost took my glove off my hand into the net. It was really close to flying off. That would have sucked. Looking back though, it’s pretty funny.

I am going to be working a lot in December. Which is good. I am pretty sure I want to take a Kaplan LSAT prep course in the Spring, and those are not cheap. They are very uncheap..

I also have to say that I love my hockey team. Most of us don’t hang out together alot, but it’s great playing with cool guys who are good at hockey, who have fun, and we can all go out afterwards and shoot the sh1t and just have a good time. I’m very happy I have met the “Batavia hockey crowd”. It’s always a good time.

A Minor Recapitulation of the Past Several Weeks (or as much as I write before falling asleep).

I have had an interesting past 5 to 6 weeks. Moving into a dorm room, starting college, and having a total, unexpected and unadulterated psychological breakdown. I now feel that with the help of family and medication I have overcome my outbreak of panic attacks and anxiety. I have been commuting to classes and work from home for about four weeks now. It has helped in my easing into the whole process.

So here I am. A junior in college, and FAIRLY certain I know what I want to do. Law School. Afterwards, not entirely sure, but it’s not like I have to. I am considering doing a JAG program for at least the minimum term of around four years. It would make me a member of the military (a high-ranking one at that, probably would end up a Captain after four years), and would satisfy my curiosity with the military in an uncommon way. I could be honorably discharged as a ranking Captain or Major, or could continue with it if I liked it.

I can also just take a regular law-path career. Like I mentioned before, still early yet. I did, however, go to a Law School Forum at the Buffalo-Niagara Marriott Thursday afternoon, and received quite a bit of literature and did some networking. It was cool to see other college students in a similar situation as I am in, unsure of where to go and just feeling their way through the situation. That was comforting for me, I suppose.

I am thinking of getting a pet. A scorpion perhaps, or a tarantula. Or nothing. I want to see if the desire lingers for a while, or if it’s a passing fancy. If I never mention it again, then it would be the latter.

Choices to be made. May be starting a roller hockey league in November that rolls through January…a “tune-up” for the Batavia League, if you will. I’ll have to work some new gear in. First thing will be a glove. My glove is toast, pucks keep popping out of it coming forward. Not good.

I want to go to Pennsylvania…Canonsburg, more specifically. There’s something about the area that I love. The people, the shopping, the dining, and even the economic affluence of the area. It’s so very different than Buffalo. There are no ghettos (minus Oakland), people drive nice cars and have nice homes. It’s a fairly conservative Christian area, with normal families. Just taking a walk around the Mall at Robinson (many times) gives you an indication. Beautiful mall, the local people are good looking and successful. I could really see myself living down there, at some point. However, at the very least, I would like to visit. I pray that Dave can get some leave. I have another reason, but that is probably not even close to feasible.

I am watching baseball. The Angels have bases loaded, and I want to see if they can take the lead against the Red Sox.

Adios.

Speak for yourself.

Feeling better day by day. The medicine is setting in. Haven’t been back to the dorm. Going to have my doctor write a letter to the housing dept, see if I can get out of it. I can’t be on campus. Messes up my psyche, evidently.

Law School fair tomorrow, Buffalo Niagara Marriott. It starts at 5, right after I get out of my last class. So I’ll do that, do some networking, acquire some literature, then head home. Then go play hockey. Busy day. Friday, Saturday and Sunday, I am doing NOTHING. Plans and ideas are always appreciated.

I leave for Orlando in…like, 16 or so days. Just over two weeks. Can’t wait. That’s gonna be fun. I’m sad that I couldn’t work it out so any of my friends could come, but that’s life, I guess. Still will be a blast.

I really have nothing else to write about. My usually rampant thoughts have been quieted by this medicine. I expected that. I have no more worries. My mom says I’m very quiet now. I am tired more. I sleep more. I am sometimes exuberant, but mostly contented. That’s it.